My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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