too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
