Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
