i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
