how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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