its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
