I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
