My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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