the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
