I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
