If that was your dad, he is hot
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
