I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
