I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
