then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
