bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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