Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
