i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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