she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
