Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
