Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
