Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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