Swine flu. Run for my life!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
