I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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