508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
