I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
