Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
