Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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