You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
