I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
