if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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