I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
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