I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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