wat bout pragnant strippers??
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
