woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
