i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
