She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
