I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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