In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So vagazzling was a success
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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