I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
