Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
