I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
