So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
worst night to have a conscience
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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