in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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