Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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