I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
