actually, I'm a sock model
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
