This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
