i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
