i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
