I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
