Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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